THERE is no polite way to put this and there should not be, because it's too urgent: Melbourne's Docklands precinct is today a dud.
The Premier, the planners and at times the Melbourne City Council continue to throw around descriptions like "vibrant" and "exciting", but it is a conspiracy of congratulation. Their words are twaddle.
This at the moment is a windy, inhospitable wilderness that will drag Melbourne backwards unless the problems are addressed rather than ignored.
Does that sound harsh? Take a look in a rubbish bin. In early afternoon, the bins are still empty. How can any bustling, successful city be sitting around with empty rubbish bins?
People create rubbish where they go - and they don't go to Docklands.
Need more proof? Wander across to the grandly named Waterfront City. This is the prime spot and should be where Docklands hums. It doesn't.
Early on Monday afternoon it was empty. I stood in the amphitheatre that was paved with tacky artificial grass, Lord Mayor Robert Doyle alongside.
Two huge TV screens broadcast their message down at us. It was a cartoon. Daytime television.
Apart from some appalling statues standing behind us, we were alone. Does that sound vibrant and exciting? Does that sound like the future of Melbourne?
This is no small problem. This covers 200ha of land and water. This is an area as large as the central business district.
When it is finished, Docklands will have moved the geographical heart of the city to a football ground, so get it wrong and the city is damaged significantly.
Get it right and the heart will not just be geographical, it will be social.
The Lord Mayor is like a terrier as he rushes around this place, barking about the possibilities but frustrated by the failures and the unwillingness to recognise them. His list of bad points rings true:
- THE stadium is in the wrong place. Telstra, Etihad or whatever you want to call it works as a massive barrier between the city and the Docklands. That has to be broken down.
- SOME of the buildings are too tall. They work best when lower, with retail shops built below, and laneways punched through to the water.
- THE trams on Harbour Esplanade rip along a slightly elevated platform between the pedestrians and the water, providing a frightening physical and psychological barrier against the very reason to be there - the docks.
- THE Waterfront City development, he says, is "a start-again job". He even kicks grumpily at the paving, saying it's poor quality.
- THE statues of Kylie Minogue, Dame Nellie Melba, Dame Edna, John Farnham and Graham Kennedy, he says, vary between "hideous" and unacceptable.
THERE are, of course, good points to nominate, and that weird statue of the cow stuck in a tree gets his nod well ahead of Kylie and Edna.
Cr Doyle also says:
- THE bottom of Bourke St works because it is on a "human scale".
- SOME of the lanes running through to the water have a friendly feel and good potential.
- THE NAB building, which is strangely colourful, is "not a slab".
- HARBOUR Town, the new shopping centre, shows promise but has on its doorstep the ugly film studios, and shopkeepers are surprised if six people walk through the door on a Monday.
The Lord Mayor is noncommittal about the massive unmoving ferris wheel, a symbol of futility, describing it as "a very big gamble".
It also seems reasonable to wonder, even if it does one day start working again, whether shoppers will flock to the area demanding a sightseeing ride and a new handbag.
Still, Cr Doyle enthuses about possibilities, with visions of cruise ships sailing under the Bolte Bridge and docking in the heart of the new city.
His criticisms are mostly sound, as a quick tour proves. But that conspiracy of false confidence continues.
This from the Premier, John Brumby: "The Docklands is a great space - much better than many other dock projects around the world."
And Pru Sanderson, CEO of VicUrban, the government body overseeing the development: "Docklands is a work in progress. It is a stunning success."
Both are very wrong.
It is true that Docklands is growing. Yes, it will be 10 years before it is finished. And, yes, it is premature to write it off for all time. But these ridiculous reassurances are dangerous.
Reality must not be ignored. The failings must be identified, dealt with, and learnt from. If that is not done, Melbourne is condemned to a century of confusion and mediocrity.
If the next stage of Docklands is simply more of the same, it will take generations to recover.
Neil Mitchell broadcasts from 8.30am weekdays on 3AW